from the baby sister.

I didn’t grow up with Deathe in the sense that I knew him when we were kids. My first real memory of Deathe was when I was 13 and had just gotten back home from the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Dad asked him to have a “brother/sister talk” with me. I was terrified, the talk was only a few sentences and those few sentences have always stuck with me. I don’t know that he knew the influence he had on me that day. In his way he told me that he understood, he didn’t judge me, and he’d always be there for me. And he always has been.

Since that day my life is full of memories of Deathe. He became my friend, someone I felt safe with and someone I felt knew that I was a dumb kid but understood I had to go through that. I don’t know if you know this Deathe, but I idolized you when I was a teenager. Not because of the fun you had or the fun I had when I was with you. It was the way you cultivated friends around you, the way people loved you. I knew that was the kind of person I wanted (and still want) to be; the kind of person who everyone wants to be around.

So many of that group of friends I met over 15 years ago are still there today, it just goes to show I wasn’t wrong about you. I’ve never met someone so kind and honest and who truly cares for his friends in such a selfless way as I’ve always seen in you. The care and love those friends return is simply a testament to that. I was always a little jealous of your intelligence, but it has always been your heart that I idolized.

Another thing I learned about Deathe as I grew older is his sense of morals and ethics. Not traditional in nature but instead founded in real life experience, not religion or secular law. This is an important tenant in his life and in mine as well. Deathe, you helped teach me to make real, informed decisions about ethics based on people and not arbitrary rules. This is again proof of the love and kindness you show to people. People come first. This is a lesson more could do with.

I remember meeting Bella and Rachel, and saw especially how you interacted with Rachel, and how you made her not your wife’s kid, but your own so quickly and easily. Rachel and Bella have become some of the most important people in my life. I can never thank you enough for bringing them into my life. And your boys… they will always know how much you love them and hold them dear, because of how much we will love them in your stead.

It’s funny, so many people identify Deathe as something above and beyond intelligent. And of course he is. Dad used to say, “Deathe just operates on a different level than the rest of us,” in reference to his intelligence. No argument here it’s just the simple truth. When his diagnosis came down one of the things I said was nature just hasn’t figured out how to deal with a brain like his… it’s too far forward in evolutionary terms. But for all that, the intelligence is just part of him, almost like a personality trait. But people don’t have the friendships and self-formed family bonds that Deathe cultivates around him because of intelligence. No one hangs out with the “smart guy” because he’s smart. People form their lives around people like Deathe because of how he treats them, and how he makes them feel, because he doesn’t judge but only offers honest opinions. He supports and helps, and criticizes when the situation calls for it. Intelligence alone doesn’t make an amazing father and husband. If even only for a short time, Deathe’s kids could not have had a better father and friend.

Deathe, thank you for the time we’ve shared and all you’ve done for me. And thank you for including me as part of your “family.” The only thing I could have asked for was more time.